Why change, even positive change, can make you feel weird

Years ago, a good friend shared how she sank into depression after marrying the man of her dreams. She had everything she wanted, true love, a beautiful wedding, and yet, she felt inexplicably sad.

Surprisingly, this isn’t uncommon. Major life changes, getting a promotion, having a child, moving to a new home, can leave us feeling unsettled, even when they’re positive.

But why?

In her excellent book, The Mountain is You, Brianna Wiest explains that this discomfort stems from the brain’s natural resistance to the unknown. Even when change is good, our brain sees it as a disruption to familiar patterns, triggering a sense of threat. This resistance can create discomfort, even pain.

But here’s the twist: discomfort is actually a sign of growth. It’s a signal that we’re evolving. Wiest describes this as “adjustment shock,” the disorientation we feel when our minds panic over unfamiliar territory. The goal isn’t to avoid change but to manage it in ways that reduce the shock.

One approach is “microshifts”- small, incremental adjustments that help ease us into new patterns without overwhelming ourselves. But what if the change has already happened, and it wasn’t gradual?

When sudden change occurs, Wiest suggests leaning into it. Acceptance is key, acknowledging the change rather than resisting it. While the discomfort may feel overwhelming, it’s a natural part of adjusting. She also emphasises self-compassion: allowing yourself to feel the emotions that come with change instead of pushing them aside.

If you’re hesitating over a big change or struggling with one that’s already happened, ask yourself: What’s one small thing I can do today to feel more settled in this new reality?

Change doesn’t need to happen all at once, and even when it does, growth can still unfold gradually. By embracing microshifts, practicing acceptance, and showing yourself self-compassion, you can navigate the discomfort and move forward with confidence.

These small steps will help you not only adjust but thrive through the changes life brings.